Friendship: The Foundation of Marriage

As I mentioned in Date Nights are Essential, a strong, happy marriage is based on friendship. Friendship in marriage creates a sense of safety, security, and acceptance. It’s the strong foundation that helps couples stay connected through life’s challenges.

One of the best ways to build and strengthen a friendship is through conversation. When couples are dating, this usually comes naturally. However, many couples in marriage counseling tell me they struggle to talk about anything beyond day-to-day logistics. With that in mind, I’ve put together some conversation ideas to help spark meaningful discussions and deepen your connection on a future date night.

Marriage Friendship Talks

What does a marriage friendship talk look like? An easy way to encourage friendship talking is by asking open-ended questions—those that can't be answered with a simple "yes," "no," "good," or "bad."

Here are some examples of open-ended questions and discussion prompts to help you reconnect with your partner’s world and strengthen your bond.

• What is something you are excited about right now?

• Tell me about something that you are anxious or worried about.

• What is a current goal that you are working towards?

• If you could live in any city in the world, which would it be and why?

• What is something that you've always dreamed of doing?

• What is one of your favorite memories from childhood?

• Tell me about the accomplishment you are most proud of.

• Who are two people you admire most and why?

• What is your best memory of the last year?

• What is your idea of the perfect Christmas (birthday, anniversary, or other celebration)?

• If you could live during any other time period in history, when would it be and why?

• Tell me 5 things that I can do to make you feel loved.

• If you could plan the ultimate vacation, what would it look like?

Follow responses with prompts such as, "Tell me more about that," or "Tell me why this is important to you." This will encourage your partner to give you more information, which will make you both feel more connected.

Your Relationship Prescription

To build a strong marriage, prioritize deep friendship. This friendship offers safety, security, and acceptance, and it’s what keeps you together during tough times. Start by carving out time for meaningful conversations outside of your daily routines.

Ask open-ended questions—share your current excitements, talk about your goals, or reminisce about favorite memories. Make these heartfelt dialogues a regular part of your connection to keep your friendship strong and your relationship resilient.