Common Dating Mistakes

Dating should be an exciting, rewarding experience that helps you grow as a person, but it can also lead to a lot of pain and hurt if you're not careful. From my work as a therapist, here are three of the biggest dating mistakes I see people make that can really have a negative impact.

Three Dating Mistakes To Avoid

1. Trusting too quickly

Trust takes time to build through consistent interactions. You need to get to know someone in different situations, without the romantic pressure, and see how they act around others to really understand who they are.

Rushing into emotional or physical intimacy can lead to hurt and disappointment. When you trust someone too soon, you're trusting the idea of them, not the real person. Give both yourself and the other person time to truly get to know each other before you let trust develop.

2. Loving the hologram.

When you're dating, it's key to see the person for who they really are, not who you hope they'll be. If you catch yourself making excuses for their behavior or downplaying red flags, you might not be seeing them clearly. People who do this often look back and say, “The warning signs were there, I just didn’t want to see them.”

Another mistake is thinking you can change something about the person over time. Basically, you're dating who you hope they'll become, not who they actually are. People in this situation often say, "But I thought they would change." The truth is, you can’t change someone and it's not your job to "fix" them.

3. Mistaking attraction for love

This mistake happens when you confuse the excitement of romance with real love. Romance itself isn’t love. Falling in love triggers a crazy chemical reaction in your brain, with hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and oxytocin, plus neurotransmitters like adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.

It’s been said that the high from these chemicals is similar to a cocaine rush. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, and all you think about is how amazing it feels to be around that person. It’s a wild experience, but the high eventually fades—every time. This natural "cocaine high" can mess with your fear response and decision-making. It might push you to trust or get physically close too quickly, even if you notice red flags.

Love is more than just feeling passionate about someone; it’s about choosing to be committed and always wanting the best for that person. Don’t mix up those powerful feelings from a chemical reaction with true love. Doing that will only set you up for hurt later on.

Your Relationship Prescription

Dating should be enjoyable and meaningful, but don’t let it lead to pain. Take your time getting to know someone before you trust them—don’t rush into intimacy. Make sure you’re seeing the real person, not just who you want them to be. Don’t think you can change someone, and don’t confuse chemistry with true love.

The excitement of falling in love fades, and that high can mess with your judgment. Real love isn’t just about passion; it’s about choosing to commit and genuinely care for someone. Pay attention to red flags and don’t rush things, or you’ll just set yourself up for hurt later. So, take a step back, reflect, and make the choices that lead you toward a fulfilling and lasting connection.

If you're interested in reading more about dating with purpose, check out the article on Principles for Healthy Dating.